So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
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My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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