One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
