I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
