you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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