oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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