ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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