What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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