You're my little dorito
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
