I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
