Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize