Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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