i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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