I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
Randomize