If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
