Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
