I showed him my bush... on skype.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
