just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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