is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
