Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
