If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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