that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
