He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Fuck appropriateness.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
