During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
