Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
