thus making me awesome and them whores
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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