I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
