I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
