you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
