the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
