well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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