If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
