I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
