I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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