2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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