The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
