She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
