maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
