guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
