I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
