I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
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What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
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We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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