peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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