I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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