I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
