Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
