I'm sorry my penis didn't work
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
