What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
