sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My ass is underappreciated
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
