He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
