It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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