sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
