The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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