I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
