So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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