can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
