im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
