i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
