Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
