Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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