this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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