Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
