It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
