ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
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