Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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