There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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