On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
