New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
